Jokes and Humor

[alt text: Text that says, "The kids think they're getting delicious candy... but it's really 64GB of banned books." Below the text is a photo of three candy bars. Each candy bar has been half-unwrapped and broken in half, and each candy bar has a USB 2.0 plug sticking out of it.]

[alt text: a photo of a man relaxing in a chair on a patio, next to a table with a closed umbrella in the middle. The umbrella is casting a shadow on the man from an angle that makes it look like the shadow is the man's comically-large and erect penis.]

[alt text: text that says, "The last thing you see when your parachute fails to open". Below the text is a photo of the lid of a spice jar. The lid is labeled: "GROUND CUMIN".]

[alt text: a tweet by @equine__dentist on twitter. The text of the tweet says, "working retail". Below the text is a screenshot from the videogame Lies of P, which shows the player fighting a boss called "White Lady" with a large health bar underneath her name.]

[alt text: text that says, "Christopher Columbus discovers the sidewalk, circa 2020, colorized". Below the text is a photo of a statue of Christopher Columbus, which has been knocked down by protesters moments before.]

[alt text: a photo of graffiti writing on a brick wall, which says, "Bitchstopher Colombitch".]

[alt text: a tweet by @maxotunes on twitter. The tweet says, "in the shop straight up 'jorking it' and by 'it', haha, well. let's justr say." Below the text is a vibrant ad for a game called, "MAHJONGUS: Mystery of Fortescue".]

[alt text: a tweet by @LinkOfSunshine on twitter. The tweet says: "I love the idea that America developed a weather-controlling superweapon and the only thing they use it for is just to fuck over Florida specifically twice a year"]

[alt text: a photo of a dog playing with bubbles in a yard. There is a bubble directly in front of the dog, which makes it look like the dog is trapped inside of the bubble.

[alt text: a watercolor-style painting of a frog on a black background. The frog has a speech bubble, which says, "You are not alone in this abyssal darkness. I am here, and we shall face the WEDNESDAY as DUDES."]

[alt text: a tweet by @jessokfine on twitter. The tweet says, "Every time I talk about milk, I clarify 'not breastmilk.' It's unnecessary and it makes people uncomfortable."]

[alt text: text that says, "This is what happens when we drain pumpkins of their spice. Think twice before you order that latte." Below the text is an image of a hand holding a shrunken, dessicated, and moldy pumpkin, which may have had a face carved into it when it was fresh.]

[Image description: text which says "You're a 10 but it's on the pH scale". Underneath is a picture of a woman whose face suggests she is dropping hard truths. OP has since learned that this is a character from a show saying "You're basic" and that the post is accidentally self-referential]

[alt text: a 4-panel comic by @ttonyesp. The first panel shows a woman peaking out from an apartment kitchen and saying, "Love, where's the trash can?" The second panel shows a man sitting on a couch and replying, "Under the sink." The third panel shows the same man looking confused, and saying, "Wait, I'm not married." The fourth and final panel shows the man unmasking the woman while saying, "A, HA!", to reveal that the woman was a raccoon in a human suit. It appears that the raccoon was in the process of digging through the trash can before being unmasked.]

[alt text: two frames from *It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia*. The first frame shows the gang looking at Dennis and saying, "So you lied to us, Dennis?". In the second frame, Dennis is replying, "The rules were, you guys were not gonna fact-check me."]

[alt text: a photo of a man sitting on a couch with a kitten on his chest. The man's shirt has an illustration of a crocodile which is facing the kitten, and the kitten appears to be staring at the crocodile and screaming in terror.]

[alt text: a painting of a person's head in profile. The head has a slight cutaway, to reveal that the person has a dragon-gremlin sort of creature living inside of their head. There is text labeling the person as "Me" and labeling the creature as "The thing that makes me post weird shit online".]

[a three-panel comic by Tom Gauld for New Scientist. The top border of the comic shows a two-dimensional, side view pattern of different cars lined up in traffic. The first panel panel shows two people talking. Person A is holding a book and saying, "It's hard to get excited about these new electric vehicles when I've seen much more ambitious possibilities in fiction." Person B is replying, "Sci-fi fan, huh?". In the second panel, Person A is looking at their book and going, "uhhh...yeah. Sci-fi." The third and final panel reveals that Person A is reading a book from the Busytown series, and it depicts a mouse driving a pickle-shaped car, a worm driving an apple-shaped car, and a pig driving a hotdog-shaped car.]

[alt text: an edited photo of a hibachi chef frying rice on a teppan grill. The photo has been edited so that the chef's head is replaced by the head of a shrimp, and the chef's arms have each been replaced with the tail of a shrimp. There is a snapchat-style caption on the photo that says, "dude no fucking way".]

[alt text: an edited screenshot of an old internet ad. The left half of the ad depicts a middle-aged woman wearing an orange Nike headband and holding a basketball under her arm. The right half of the ad has text, which says, "MY HUSBAND IS DEAD. I don't want to remarry. I only want to play ball. Shoot hoops with local milfs NOW!!! CLICK HERE".]

[alt text: a screenshot from an app for an airline service, which appears to be showing part of an airliner seating chart. There is a pop-up that says, "Ready to eject Lynda? This action cannot be undone. Flight attendants will eject Lynda from the plane mid-flight. Don't worry, your arrival time will not be impacted." The pop-up has a large blue button that says, "Eject Lynda - $2,703.50". Fine print text below the button says, "Lynda will be able to counter your ejection bid. View Terms"

Alt text: cartoon frame #1 shows disembodied arm reaching out to pluck a speaker's speech bubble.

(from https://xkcd.com/2956)

[alt text: text that says, "Goals 😍❤". Below the text is four photos of football (soccer) goal nets.]

[alt text: a series of posts on tumblr. The first post is a text post by a user called "stephaniexwins", which says, "I made stew. It was awesome. I love potatoes." The next post is a reply post by a user called "potato", which says "i luv u too". The final post is another reply post by potato, which says, "wait what was in the stew".]

[alt text: text that says: "Me looking for the will to clean the house." Below the text is a frame from Stranger Things, showing the character Jonathan Byers putting his hands to his mouth and shouting, "Will?"]

As the guy behind this video support a charity, I post the original link and not an Invidious link.

[alt text : two frames from Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, depicting a negotiation between the characters Kweye-Gon Jinn and Watt-o. In the top frame, Kweye-Gon is labeled "Management" and he is saying, "Pizza Party will do fine." In the bottom frame, Watt-o is labeled "Over Worked Staff" and he is replying, "Jedi Mind Tricks don't work on me, only money."]

[alt text: text that says, "Imagine getting sloppy and she looks up at you wearing these bad boys". Below the text is a photo of a pair of holographic prop glasses, which make the wearer look like their eyeballs are cartoonishly bulging out of their sockets.]

[alt text: two side-by-side illustrations of a text conversation on a smartphone. The left illustration is labeled "MONOGAMY", and the phone shows a text conversation with a single text that says, "Morning Beautiful". The right illustration is labeled "QING DYNASTY", and the phone shows a text conversation with six texts in a row. From top to bottom, the texts read: "i think wife 9 is poisoning you"; "think wife 2 is poisoning you"; "i think the eunuchs are poisoning you"; "i think wife 14 is poisoning you"; "i think the kids are poisoning you"; "think the chief censor is poisoning you". On the bottom corner of the image, there is a small instagram tag for @els_comics.]

[alt text: an image of the "3D Saul Goodman" meme, which shows the face of the character Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad staring directly into the camera with a stoic expression. There is text overlaid that says, "Me watching my wife try and leave me due to my gasoline drinking addiction. But the car won't start (hmm I wonder why)".]

[alt text: text that says, "when your child inherits your character, and now you have a mini toxic version of yourself." Below the text is a photo of an adult cat and a kitten laying side-by-side. Both cats have the same fur coloring and both are making the same face, which looks somewhat like a human laughing expression but could also be a cat's hissing expression.]

[alt text: a screenshot of a post from @pacific0101 on twitter, posted in 2018. The tweet text says, "they shut down the pizza hut part so now it's just a anarcho-kentucky-fried-chicken-taco-bell". Below the tweet is a photo of the restaurant sign, which was previously a flag-shaped sign with all three restaraunt logos side-by-side. It appears that the Pizza Hut logo was previously on the left side, but it has been removed. In its place is a blank red space, which is reminiscent of the original anarchism flag.]

[alt text: a photo of a semi trailer on a highway immediately after an accident. The trailer is flipped vertical, and leaning against a highway exit ramp sign. There are other cars on the road driving around the accident.]

[alt text: Text that says, "Vampires when they sip on your blood and catch extra strength Tylenol, at least two psychiatric meds, two cups of coffee, weed, and microplastics". Below the text is a photo of Idris Elba, who looks bewildered and is saying, "What the fuck?"]

[alt text: a post by @Thinkwert on Twitter. The post is sharing a photo of an opossum laying on an uneaten pizza, which is inside of an open pizza box. The text in the tweet says, "I call it Himalayan Pizza cuz him a-layin' on my pizza".]

[alt text: text that says: "When you jump off a building, but realize you were never bitten by a radioactive spider." Below the text is an image of a man falling off a building. In the image, there is stylized text that appears to be taken from the logo for "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse", but every word has been edited out except the word, "MAN".]