Not The Onion

cross-posted from: https://ponder.cat/post/952397

Kevin Loftus should be sent to jail for violating the terms of his probation, prosecutors told a judge.

Former Intel CEO Pat Gelsinger took to social media to invite people to pray and fast for the chipmaker's employees, saying the company is going through a "difficult period."

Former Intel chief Pat Gelsinger, who stepped down from his leadership post a week ago, is inviting people to join him in prayer and fasting for the struggling chipmaker's employees.

Amairani Salinas was 32 weeks pregnant with her fourth child in 2023 when doctors at a Texas hospital discovered that her baby no longer had a heartbeat. As they prepped her for an emergency cesarean section, they gave her midazolam, a benzodiazepine commonly prescribed to keep patients calm. A day later, the grieving mother was cradling her stillborn daughter when a social worker stopped by her room to deliver another devastating blow: Salinas was being reported to child welfare authorities

(kinda cheating because the headline is halfway to satire already)

A bankruptcy judge on Tuesday rejected a bid by The Onion’s parent company to buy Alex Jones’ far-right media empire, including the website Infowars, ruling that the auction process was unfair.

Marcus, from Tottenham, North London, had been enjoying a holiday with his parents when he met a fellow Brit at the same hotel. A holiday fling sparked and the pair spent time together until the girl, also from London, flew back to Britain.

Last month, in a game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the San Francisco 49ers’ star defensive end, Nick Bosa, celebrated a routine sack with a cheerful and ungainly series of hip-swivels and fist-pumps, not unlike the movements of an automaton gaining sentience.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/22978365

From Florida, of course 😄

After being initially hesitant to advertise on Snapchat, which claims to reach 80% of 13-24-year-olds in Australia, Sportsbet created filters that can be imposed on people’s faces when they share images of themselves.

::: spoiler Disable JavaScript, to bypass paywall. 1. Install NoScript browser addon. 2. Disable using native Chrome site settings. :::

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/32967490

Archive/mirror: https://archive.ph/GfspN

A state senator in Tennessee urinated on himself while taking a field sobriety test, according to reports and video from the incident. Sen. Ken Yager, a 77-year-old Republican representing a district in the north of his state, was pulled over by a Georgia State trooper around 5 p.m. on Tuesday on suspicion his vehicle was involved in a hit-and-run the same day.

TLDR: The insurance company has a new policy, set to take effect in February 2025, where they decide how much anesthesia is needed for surgeries. They won’t pay for any anesthesia over that, with exemptions for maternity and pediatric cases and for Connecticut providers.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/22797469

Florida State Senator Ileana Garcia has introduced legislation to prohibit "weather modification" activities in the state.

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/29000631

Netizens aren’t taking High’s predictions [of an alien invasion on December 3] seriously

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/34148808

Musk says he's going to launch an "AI game studio" at his xAI startup.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/22488573

A Malaysian court has ordered the country's government to return 172 rainbow-coloured watches it seized from watchmaker Swatch last year.

cross-posted from: https://slrpnk.net/post/15479109

Even dickheads love their dogs. Find a way to connect to those you disagree with. “The obvious mistakes of those who find themselves in opposition are to break off relations with those who disagree with you,” texts Vera Krichevskaya, the co-founder of TV Rain, Russia’s last independent TV station. “You cannot allow anger and narrow your circle.”

A leading misinformation expert is being accused of citing non-existent sources to defend Minnesota’s new law banning election misinformation.

Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS)

https://archive.is/zmml6

This time it's not an onion. I love how close this is to the Onion's "Elon Musk's AI turns on him" story from a few days back

Damn furries, committing insurance fraud again

Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

Hopefully this is onion-y enough to post here.

Does this count?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/22000833

cross-posted from: https://mander.xyz/post/20637377

Tesla mogul will head up Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) with Vivek Ramaswamy, to ‘dismantle bureaucracy and slash regulations’

Useful context from @callouscomic:

Efforts to hold Israel accountable for its crimes against Palestinians at the International Court of Justice in The Hague are ‘anti-Semitic’, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said in a cabinet meeting yesterday.

They linked to wicked.com when the movie site is at wickedmovie.com

cross-posted from: https://vger.social/post/9049479

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It looks like a family holiday card except that the woman and children posing with Republican Derrick Anderson are not his wife or his offspring.