Absolute chaos.

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submitted a week ago by SuspiciousCatThing

Absolute chaos.
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Ok, hear me out. The hull number is for the USS Enterprise (CVN-65), which was deactivated in 2012. After that, instead of decommissioning, Elon Musk decides he needs a private military and hires Erik Prince to set it up. He buys the still-intact Enterprise, gets it modified the way he wants it, and sends it to Brazil to force X/Twitter back into service there. Full of Blackwater/Xe mercenaries, meth and coke are distributed to all personnel as daily rations. Fueled by the success of their first mission (and lots of drugs and alcohol), the bastard craft took to the high seas. It resembled a mobile party now, but a heavily-armed party. They looted, they raided, they held whole cities to ransom for fresh supplies of cheese, crackers, guacamole, spare ribs and wine and spirits that now get piped aboard from floating tankers.

I would like to participate in any rpg campaign you dm.

I would like to start with the chain of command that insisted a battleship turret be installed on the flight deck.

Insert Bradley committee movie .mov

..... and someone has allowed a local news helicopter to fly over the ship to provide live video footage of an active war scene.

I mean, if you were an embedded reporter, would *you* be willing to miss the opportunity to film this scene?

Entire front end is useless for takeoff and landing. Also, LOTS of heads gonna roll for an entire carrier group *failing to protect the fucking carrier*.

Well yeah its blocked off, thats where you park the tanks! Jeeze, it's like you've never heard of AFV flight deck deployments before.

I mean, the MiG has his wingman flying at very low altitude directly through what appears to be a napalm strike that he's just conducted on the starboard side of the carrier, so there's some questionable behavior on both sides here.

This is what you get, when you put the army in charge of a carrier, instead of the boat people.

Why do you want the army in charge of the boat people?

Hardie,har har.

That's actually pretty good.

Yeah, give it to the Coat Guard where it belongs.

*The armored triple turret on the carrier that is apparently being fired at the MiG did not meet the bar to be included in the description.*

That's there so the ship is classified as a cruiser instead of an aircraft carrier and the Turks let it cross the Bosporus.

I'm pretty sure that CVN-65 won't meet the displacement bar.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Enterprise_(CVN-65)

Displacement: 93,284-long-ton (94,781 t) full load[3]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montreux_Convention_Regarding_the_Regime_of_the_Straits

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Montreux_Convention

The maximum aggregate tonnage of all foreign naval forces which may be in course of transit through the Straits shall not exceed 15,000 tons, except in the cases provided for in Article 11 and in Annex III to the present Convention.

Article 11.

Black Sea Powers may send through the Straits capital ships of a tonnage greater than that laid down in the first paragraph of Article 14, on condition that these vessels pass through the Straits singly, escorted by not more than two destroyers.

The US isn't a Black Sea power (though I guess maybe if the US transferred the *Enterprise* to Romania...). Russia can do it because it's a Black Sea power.

*considers*

I guess maybe if they got a whole lot of helium balloons and attached them to cables going down to the carrier, they could get the displacement below 15,000 tons.

EDIT: Actually, if they can get enough balloons to offset 80,000 tons, you'd think that they could just do the last 15,000 and convert the *Enterprise* into an airship and *fly* it into the Black Sea. The Montreaux Convention didn't think of *that* loophole!

Though...hmm. I think that the *Enterprise* relies on constant seawater cooling for the reactors, so maybe they can't do that. Maybe the turret does make sense in the context of the helium balloons after all.

It's displacement, not weight, so theoretically they can convert it into a gigantic hydrofoil and get into the Black Sea with the whole hull out of water at almost supersonic speeds to support all that weight

I mean, in fairness, at least the Mig-29 and F-117 are contemporaries, and deployed by enemies. I've seen playsets that include (iirc) an F-16 and a B-17 dogfighting against one another.

While the F-16 has the stronger letter, the B-17 takes the lead on the number. It's still anybody's game.

Also your F-117s are rocket powered or some shit because those flames are coming from the one place that isn’t exhaust

I assume that that's just the tailgunner firing his flamethrower.

Makes sense, given the context

This is gold, thank you.

Sounds like a pretty normal day to me.

a deranged lunatic has parked an Abrams on the flight deck

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Convoy_PQ_17

On receiving the third order to scatter on 4 July 1942, Lieutenant Leo Gradwell RNVR, commanding the anti-submarine trawler HMS *Ayrshire*, did not want to head for Archangelsk and led his convoy of *Ayrshire* and *Troubador*, *Ironclad* and *Silver Sword* north. On reaching the Arctic ice, the convoy pushed into it, then stopped engines and banked their fires. The crews used white paint from *Troubador*, covered the decks with white linen and arranged the Sherman tanks on the merchant vessels decks into a defensive formation, with loaded main guns. After a period of waiting and having evaded *Luftwaffe* reconnaissance aircraft, finding themselves unstuck, they proceeded to the Matochkin Strait.

Now, you might say that the USS *Enterprise* isn't a merchant ship desperate for some kind of defensive armament, but on the other hand, it appears to be firing battleship guns at a MiG still flying low right above the ship, and I have to believe that a tank's main gun, to say nothing of the machine guns, are probably more-suitable as short-range antiaircraft weapons than a battleship gun for that.

Frankly, I think that given the scenario, pre-positioning a tank in that situation probably demonstrates a considerable amount of foresight.

Hey don't make fun of Old Reliable - that tank is their deck gun.

I'm assuming that the Abrams tank makes sense to protect the people on deck from the blast of the guns on that turret.

I thought the F117a doesn't have a2a capabilities. It acts like a hole in the sky, drops a couple of bombs and then the distant AWACS plane laughs maniacally.

https://www.sandboxx.us/news/how-an-f-15e-shot-down-an-iraqi-gunship-with-a-bomb/

The full story of how an F-15E scored its only air-to-air kill… with a bomb

Because they were moving so fast through the sky to close with the team in trouble, the unpowered bomb actually had a greater range than the Sidewinder missile. Bennett released the bomb 4 miles out from the Hind-24, with Bakke carefully keeping his laser sighted on the helicopter.

All you need is a steady hand and a laser designator!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_F-117_Nighthawk

For this reason, it is equipped with integrated sophisticated digital navigation and attack systems, targeting being achieved via a thermal imaging infrared system and a laser rangefinder/laser designator.

It's got the designator, so...